Is this a good way to do a flash back?

You're goooood. Well I don't know, to me, "I played the memory in my head, and it went something like this:" isn't necessary and it sounds just sort of out of place.I think lots of readers will catch on to the flashback without that sentence. The details in the storm are exquisite but there is way too much. That huge paragraph is basically lining the storm's performance, tone it down a little bit and probably take out the part about each bolt being like a person or the ballerina part. That's too much. Sorry, I'm extremely picky, good luck ^__^